The power of understanding compels me

The power of understanding compels me

Laurence Gonzaga

Very rarely do I have conversations on a truly theological or philosophical nature. I think in the last several years I can probably count on one hand how many times I have found myself in an intensely challenging discussion on some of the most troubling beliefs that I hold dear to my heart. One was with an agnostic, the other was with a former Protestant convert to Catholicism, and the third was just a few hours ago with an old friend whom I seldom converse with anymore. The predominant topics which I have engaged with them on are predictable, the existence of God and its implications, the theologically compelling superiority of the Catholic tradition over and above the Protestant tradition, and lastly how God accomplishes his plan throughout history.

For my agnostic friend, and even though we have really only had a handful of real conversations, I consider him a true friend. He was in fact the first person to contact me after two of the most pivotal moments in my recent life story. I have never really conversed with an indifferent atheist. For my convert friend, we too haven’t really conversed very often or very long since I met him three years ago, but I am always encouraged by his enthusiasm for truth and desire for understanding for the faith which he has been compelled to embrace. I have never really met a convert to Catholicism who has been indifferent regarding some of the most challenging of Catholic teachings. For my cradle Catholic friend, whom I suppose in some sense was a student of mine when I was a catechist in this diocese, was truly a sponge for all things orthodox Catholic back in the days when I was probably one of the most outspoken proponents of authentically Catholic doctrines around these parts, an anomaly for my age at the time. In the Catholic crowds, I have experienced varying degrees of interest in what the Church teaches, even among those who are striving to maintain or cultivate their Catholic faith. I find this rather puzzling.

At one time, I was very concerned that my students knew exactly what the Church taught on everything that was most distinguishable for us compared to those who believed differently. Even then, many left the Church. Even then, many stopped practicing. Even then many stopped caring. Even then, many now see the Church, and Christianity in general, as the enemy. What went wrong? Where did I fail them?

These years have been quite a journey for me. Since coming back to the Church in 2002, in spite of all that I have studied, debated, meditated upon, reflected on, wrote on, read on, taught on, I have never ceased to wrestle with these doctrines. There is an old principle you hear often, mostly among the apologists for the Latin Mass and that is lex orandi, lex credendi, lex vivendi. It means, the law of prayer, is the law of belief, is the law of living. So, how you pray, is how you believe, is how you live. These are typically stated in this order, but I submit to you, this principle is transitive. You can place it in any order and it will be true. I can speak from experience. How you live, will have an effect on how you pray or how you believe. How you believe can effect how you pray and live. Theology and religion, and they are very different things touch on our entire lives.

In my Catholic tenure I have heard and echoed so many of the Christian religion’s most treasured catch phrases, such as: love the sinner, hate the sin; God has a plan; everything happens for a reason; are you doing God’s will?; pray for me; trust in God; etc.  I wonder sometimes… For those who perpetuate these common phrases, I ask you to reflect upon what it is you mean by that phrase, and do you actually live as if these phrases were as you understand them to be?

Looking back at my Catholic “career”, there is much that has brought me varying degrees of joy, sadness, anger, pain, indifference, you name it. I have seen and continue to experience my own personal failings, and they have always taken their toll on me. I have seen and continue to experience the failings of Catholic individuals, religious and laypersons alike. I have seen and continue to experience the failings of the institutional Catholic Church, and don’t anyone even dare to try to argue with me on that one. Yet, here I and some of my friends still stand, while others have disappeared, lapsed, become indifferent, become schismatics, become heretics, and become apostates. If I ever wanted to summarize my work with the Church, it is to engage those within and outside of the walls of Catholicism to think about what they believe and why they believe it, and whether or not they live as if those beliefs were actually true. I suspect that in each and every camp, many of us, are in fact practically agnostic. If this is true for you, why don’t you work on changing that?

As long as you are still breathing, it’s never too late to change for the better. All we have are the choices we make, and I choose…

God bless you all! (What does that mean?...)