Review of, I Survived "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" (Joshua Harris)

To be clear, I'm writing this primarily as a way of procrastination from putting together a presentation for a mental health panel tomorrow on "Lifespan perspectives on Anxiety and Self-Care". Don't worry, just like college, I always get it done, just in the nick of time.

I've recently canceled 6 streaming platforms because all of these shows, movies, and documentaries are overwhelming me. There's so much to do in the world before you die and there's just way too many options to waste your life away. That said, this documentary popped up today as a recommendation on Prime. Waste away...

I Survived "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"

Turns out the subject was an international best selling author of the late '90s for his book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", Joshua Harris. Never heard of him, and apparently, the book helped just about as many people as it hurt. That was the thesis of the documentary. Well, it seems that the thought is that it hurt more people than it helped, come to think of it. So basically the doc was a public apology for his books. In the end, he even noted that he asked the publishers to pull his books from further publication.

There were some familiar themes in this doc. I remember when I rejected atheism in 2002 at age 19, and found myself back in the Catholic Church about a year later, and quickly getting into religious education and youth ministry, unintentionally mind you, hearing about this "true love waits" thing that my church was doing. By this time I must have been 21 or 22. At the time I thought it was a silly little ceremony that church people did, and in retrospect, it sounds even more ridiculous. But such were the times. The religious culture believed that these kinds of ceremonies and public affirmations of virtue were meaningful. And perhaps they were for some. But we have to recognize it's not for many, and perhaps not for most. 

The development of human sexuality is complex. It's more complex now than ever. I understand the various perspectives out there within the religious communities and within Catholicism. I just don't think we can have a one size fits all approach, and expect it to be successful for everyone. 

There are clear Biblical and Cultural (Traditional) values which are helpful guidelines to moral behavior, and so, by all means, continue to inculcate such teaching. The beauty of the Catholic religion, however, is that recognizing our fallen and wounded human nature, and our spiritual and psychological need for redemption, that the Sacrament of Reconciliation is such a powerful means of getting back on track. I didn't see a lot of Catholic representation in that documentary, and Confession is perhaps the reason why. 

As it turns out, shortly after this documentary was released (2018), the author and subject of the documentary, Joshua Harris, announced on his Instagram that he and his wife of a couple of decades were getting a divorce, and about a week later, also on Instagram, announced he was no longer a Christian. 

Now, those of every persuasion can waste no time in cooking up some kind of explanation, psychoanalyzing his story as to what could have "gone right" or "gone wrong" about his story.

In my opinion, that's the problem. We always want to understand other people's stories in a way that helps us to keep going along with our own accepted narrative and theory of life. In the end, if there is a God of the universe, and it happens to be the one I believe in, then Joshua Harris, all those impacted by his leadership, viewers of the documentary, me, and all who have ever existed will be judged by that God's standard. I don't have to worry about it too much. 

Parents, you may think you can predestine the future of your children by your actions. You're actually right. You are such a powerful socializing factor for your kiddos. The problem is, how they turn out, may not be as you planned. Ah, the mystery of free will. Just as the mystery of predestination.

This documentary was interesting. I wouldn't say it was amazing. One reaction I kept having was, "it's a book, so what if the content subjectively hurt people". Not that people's feelings don't matter, they do. But does the author have to apologize for what he wrote 20 years ago when he honestly and sincerely wrote what he thought was right? He doesn't. Blaming this author ignores the fact that it was a whole purity evangelical culture which created this "trauma" for some, and not any one singular factor like the book. It's probably more likely these people were most impacted by their parents than anything else.

Anyway... Just do the best you can, with the gifts and talents, and resources available to you, play your part and experience the plot unfold. It's all been written.