Don’t worry about it, just do it!

Don’t worry about it, just do it!

Laurence G.

respicite volatilia caeli quoniam non serunt neque metunt neque congregant in horrea et Pater vester caelestis pascit illa nonne vos magis pluris estis illis (Mt. 6.26)

I came to this Opus Dei retreat with many concerns and many worries. There exist many questions I have been anxious about for many months now. These questions were not even remotely on my mind when I went on this same retreat last year. In fact, with regard to the talks which pertained to the topic of marriage, I think there was a part of me that “tuned out” last year as it clearly was not relevant to me, or so I thought. I seem to recall that it may have even made me uncomfortable. But for those who have been following the ongoing soap opera that has been my life in the last few years, will know that that has changed in the last year or so. I won’t reiterate what I have already written in so many words. Suffice it to say that sometimes it takes only one person or one event to change the course of an entire life. However, at this point that route is still uncertain.

One thing that always needs to be kept in mind is that in the question of a state in life, those who feel a tug towards religious life, sacred orders, or consecrated lay vocations have only two wills to consider, their own and God’s will. For those who feel the pull towards the married state have to consider their own will, God’s will, but also a third will exists, which is entirely free and entirely susceptible to all the complexities of fallen human nature as the first does. I can never be selfish to think that my will is more important than the other, or deserves more attention than the other. The discernment must be entirely mutual and free. And so I have come to realize that, at this point, I am asking the wrong kind of question in that matter. In fact, I may be asking the wrong kind of questions all together.

Father Retreat Master said in last night’s meditation that the Christian ought not to worry, as this shows a lack of confidence in God. I have read many times about confidence in God. I can prove that to you by showing you my meticulously highlighted and notated books on the subject. However, what I had learned today in my spiritual reading on one’s abandonment to God’s will, is that I have been focused too much on the theory or the intellectual explanations of things like abandonment, rather than the practice or growth in the activity of the same. The simple peasant who practices charity and is joyful, and doesn’t have a clue about the classical treatises on the theological virtues is perhaps better off than the amateur theologian who knows all the divisions thereof but rarely practices the actual virtue. The man who wishes to become a saint, and therefore grow in holiness, doesn’t dwell on the past, and really thinks little about the future, much less worries about it. Most of his concern is in whether or not he is doing well, to a heroic supernatural degree, what God has given him in the present to do. Seeking holiness in the present, and in the ordinary everyday tasks, escapes most of us. We are full of pride. We want to be seen for our seeming holiness. We want to be better than others. We want to be in the first seats of the churches with our gold-edged missals and all the rest of the religious paraphernalia, which may only mask the spiritual desolation of our souls.

Authentic spirituality, indeed authentic Christianity, seeks only the will of God for my life in the here and now. Nothing else matters. For some, God asks more than what our ordinary duties require. But for far too many, we ignore the ordinary, seeking success in extraordinary things, which too often only serves to puff up our own egos rather than give glory to God. There is always room for improvement in the things we are hopefully already doing, such as prayer, work, study, and developing relationships. Let’s perfect these first before even thinking of saving the world from all sorts evils. After all, how can we save the world from Communism, Freemasonry, atheism, paganism, pornography, the pro-choice activists, etc. if we can’t even get out of bed on time and consistently, or if we keep burning the pot roast?

For a while now I have been worried about what God’s will is, and why He has not told me in such clear ways. Perhaps I was waiting for trumpets from an archangel, or cherubim descending upon me with scrolls written in Latin, that I would have to ask Paul Dion or Fr. Steve Porter to translate for me, so I will know what God’s will is. I think perhaps God has already made His will known for me. Maybe I was already doing it. I might just need to do it better than I was.

So, what can I do to make His will for me a reality? For one, get off my rear end and act! estote autem factores verbi et non auditores tantum fallentes vosmet ipsos (Jas 1:22).

March 26, 2011

BTW, today is my birthday. Send me money if you want. I have some more schooling to pay for. J