Escaping the Boredom

The other day I was sitting on a friend’s porch. I had left my watch there when we went running some weeks ago. I wanted to go pick it up before he pawned it for beer money. I had shared with him my recent sense that life seems so mundane as of late. I have a feeling I know what this is, but as of late it just seems like life is just boring or dull. I don’t know, maybe I have just fell into routine. My friend would respond with lofty theological truths. I thought it was amusing. Now I know what it feels like to hear it. I quickly joked, “Wow, you’re just full of life lessons and clichés, aren’t you?” I think he is right, however. We get bored sometimes with life, because it is a hint that there is more, beyond this life. He quoted Fulton Sheen on this. Of course this is true. But in further reflection, I would add to it, that there is more to life than what has already happened, and what is happening presently. I would say the danger of just accepting the hum drum norm, is that we may become indifferent to our role we play in society today and in the foreseeable future. Pausing to think even further just now, I just realized that the most joyful times I have had in recent weeks has been on a hike with some friends, and sitting in silence before the Blessed Sacrament reading my books. This calls to mind the importance of periodic retreats from the world. It needn’t be long. A walk around campus, a stroll around the block, or anything. Being alone with God and my thoughts, these are very peaceful times. Lately, has been the first time I had been pretty honest about my feelings with God. Of course he knows what I am thinking. But, sometimes we know we ought to pray only for what is best, and neglect to be honest about what we want, on a human level. I guess, the norm is the opposite. I told Him how I feel. I want His will to be made manifest. I don’t know if what I want is the same as what He wants. I will leave that up to Him. All I know is I will no longer stifle my feelings for the sake of logic or rationality. I recall saying to someone a few months ago, “I said what I said all those times, because I knew it was the right thing to say, but it is not what my heart is saying.” I am not exactly sure what the future holds. This has caused some periods of anxiety as of late. Change always brings about some necessary anxiety. But, as always, we must press on. To infinity… and beyond!

June 6, 2011