Reflections on Fidelity

Written 2 April 2010
For the past two years or so, the spine of one particular book had been looking back at me from the same place on the shelf I had placed it after I bought it. Like many books on my shelves, I had read small parts of it before it was placed on the "queue" to be read at a later time. The book is titled Real Life, Real Love by Father Alberto Cutie, who was at the time a Roman Catholic priest of the Archdiocese of Miami. An interesting last name, especially if you don't notice the accent mark on the "e", considering the news that broke in early 2009 when he was caught on the beaches of Miami with his mistress of a few years. After reading about all that last year, it almost surely placed this book, in my mind, on the bottom of the list to be read from my collection. Since then, and hearing of other stories of other "orthodox" priests, at least seemingly or publicly, it created a sort of "loss of faith", to some degree, for me. It wasn't a loss of faith in THE Faith, the Church, or even the priesthood as an office, as a vocation, but a "loss of faith" in personal faithfulness, personal fidelity. Maybe the word "loss" is too strong. Perhaps I mean a "lessening of faith". For me, I was not too surprised when I heard stories of politically and religiously "left of center", shall we say, priests and nuns leaving their vocations, but Father Alberto Cutie? Though I never heard of him before, by all accounts I read, he was for the entirety of his priesthood before his "fall from grace", so to speak, a solidly orthodox priest, always willing to tow the line of the official moral teachings of the Church. I thought to myself many times, of priests as seemingly orhthodox as he was, "I want to be a priest as faithful as he", that is, if I am indeed called to the priesthood. For obvious reasons, I would have to strike him off that list now.

Certainly, for some reading this, especially those who followed this story last year who knew that Father Cutie did end up leaving the Catholic Church within a month after the "bombshell", and married his mistress a month after that and become an Episcopal priest, will want to say to me, who am I to judge? Who am I to throw stones? Have I not sinned myself? And they would be right. I am a sinner; we are all sinners last I checked. But, let's be frank here, a sin is a sin, whatever it is. The Church is supposed to be a guiding light, a beacon of truth. Individuals who represent the Church, especially those in an official capacity are held to a much higher standard. They have to recognize this as they choose this kind of vocation.

I have seen some commentary saying things like, "Isn't that wonderful; he found love. How backward can the Church be that they frown on this and turn the cheek on much graver scandals". Or perhaps "I am glad he found love, why can't the Church allow priests to be normal?" Reading these comments from some people starts to stir up anger in me, and so I have learned to close the web-page and ignore it. But, what it does demonstrate is a profound ignorance on their part, whether they be Catholic or not, not only on the theological basis of the principles involved here, but also the understanding of basic philosophical principles. Some questions to diffuse these ignorant statements are: Do we only look at the "graver" of sins and ignore the "lesser" of sins? Why can't we keep apples and oranges separate and deal with them on their own terms? What is "normal" and by whose standard does the term "normal" derive its definition? What is "normal" in one society may not be "normal" in another, so whose norm shall we universalize? I could go on. There are answers to these questions, but they are not at issue in this article. What is the issue here?

For me, what it boils down to is fidelity, a faithfulness to one's chosen vocation. As I knelt praying the Rosary last night before bed, I glanced at the shelf next to me, and as usual, the spine of former Father Cutie stared back at me saying things like "Lies, all lies!" and "Hypocrisy!" I paused my Rosary, and for some reason, was moved to pull the book off the shelf. As I held the book in my hands, looking a little judgingly at the cover with Father's picture on it, I said to myself "What can I learn from this hypocrite?" I sat in my bed, and said to God, "Okay, take me to an interesting passage". I quickly thumbed through the pages from the back, and abruptly stopped at a random page. I landed on page 182 towards the end of chapter 8 with the subheading staring up at me "Infidelity". I quickly noted that I had the knee-jerk reaction of a chuckle, saying to myself, "Yeah right, Fr. Cutie is going to teach me about infidelity." I was too tired to read it last night, so I put it face down on my bed, finished my Rosary, and went to sleep. I read it this morning.

Since this book is subtitled "7 Paths to a Strong & Lasting Relationship", it is obvious that he would be speaking on marital infidelity. As I read the section providence surely willed me to get to at this moment, I was enlightened, edified, and challenged by Father Cutie's words. Since my educational background is general psychology and child development, I was familiar with some terms he used and was comfortable with his suggestions which he derived from years of pastoral experience. And so, even though I cannot vouch for the rest of the book (as I have not read it) or even his other previous works, I can say without any reservations, this was an excellent treatment on marital infidelity. It cuts to the core of the issues, and he illustrates the nature of the problem and its progression from mild to extreme forms and their root causes. Unfortunately, it is a shame that he was not able to realize as he was writing this book, that these principles he was so competent in outlining for those called to the married vocation are also true for his own vocation. An older friend commented to me after a talk by an Anglican priest convert who became a Roman Catholic priest, regarding another priest who left our diocese and got married. He said, "Isn't it a shame he couldn't keep his wife, and still be a priest." I just smiled and said nothing because it was not the time for polemics. Comments such as these are rooted in a misunderstanding of vocation. Vocation is a call from God, and nobody else. When we accept a vocation, confident it is from God, it is forever. It is for life. Just as marriage is for life, priesthood is for life. Religious life is forever. The single vocation is forever. It is unfortunate that a vocation like the priesthood is sometimes seen as just a profession with outdated rules. Why can't he just keep his new wife and be a priest? Firstly, because we don't make up the rules. But also because he broke his vows, his commitment for life. If a married man is caught in adultery, do we say, "Aww, that's too bad, why can't he keep his new girlfriend and still be married. All these outdated rules of monogamy!" Why is this form of infidelity, priestly or religious infidelity, not seen in the same sinful light as the sin of adultery? They are both acts of unfaithfulness to their lifelong commitments. So what is the solution?

Well, until I am somehow elected pope, I am not infallible, and so here is what I think. In the end, it needs to be the individual developing a sense of personal responsibility, as well as a committed plan of daily Christian living to keep himself informed about the state of the Church and conformed to the teachings of Christ and His Bride the Church, becoming aware of the uniqueness of God's plan for his life, also called a personal vocation, and once the vocation is discerned (Priesthood, Marriage, Religious Life, or Single-Layman), being aware of the activities or scenarios which would place one's vocation in a near occasion of sin or abandonment, and finally sticking to their vocation, for the rest of their life, no matter what. In so doing, no matter what vocation, fidelity to our life-long commitment, is a truly authentic way of finding "Real Life, Real Love".